


Who Tells Our Story

by FayeWildwood



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M, Oculus, Purgatory, Sad Barry, guilt trips, speedforce
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 10:49:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11011926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeWildwood/pseuds/FayeWildwood
Summary: Barry Allen is serving his penance in the Speedforce for all the trouble he's caused as a speedster. It's boring and it's mentally taxing, but the Speedforce keeps him company when he needs it. Barry has been doing fine with his punishment up until now, but when he sees someone in the speedforce that he hasn't seen since he dropped him off to go to his death, he's not sure he can handle it.





	Who Tells Our Story

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally going to be inspired by Hamilton lyrics and stuff, but I quickly learned that I was totally setting myself up for failure there. So I changed it a bit and am now working on further chapters. Hope you enjoy!

 

_My name is Barry Allen. And I am the fastest man alive. When I was a child I saw my mother killed by something impossible. My father went to prison for her murder. Then an accident made me the impossible. To the outside world I am an ordinary forensic scientist, but secretly I use my speed to fight crime and find others like me. And one day, I'll find who killed my mother and get justice for my father. I am the Flash._

_And right now, I am paying my penance for those who have been lost for my transgressions._

Barry wasn't sure how long he'd been in the speed force. It simultaneously felt like seconds and years all at once. He gauged time by conversations he had when the Speedforce was being particularly kind and would alleviate his boredom. Though it wasn't necessarily a hell like Savitar or Wally had to endure, it was in it's way a purgatory. It was Central City as he loved and dreamed it to be, but it was empty. It was an echo of a home he remembered, not quite there and yet solid under his fingertips. He spent most of his time roaming the streets slowly, walking - not running. It was hard, being away from his friends, his loved ones, having no one there to spend time with or save. But in his heart he knew it's what he deserved. This was his punishment for all the things he'd done wrong, all the people who had died for him and the lives that were changed with the timeline.

"What are you doing here, kid?"

Barry ignored the voice, shoving his hands in his pockets as he continued walking along the waters edge. He couldn't handle seeing the older man yet, not like this. Last time he'd seen Snart had been when he dropped him back off in his own time, dropped him off at his death. And before then? The speedforce had told him that  _he_ was the reason Snart was dead in the first place.

He'd been hearing Snart for a while now, seeing him in the corner of his eye wearing that black leather jacket and his cold gun missing from his leg. But his heart ached with the pain of seeing that face, so he turned away from it, away from the guilt that swirled through him.

"Moping around isn't going to change anything, Barry," Snart said, following close behind. His voice drawled out, but it was softer, almost tired. "Letting yourself wander this prison? It's not helping anyone, Scarlet. You gotta get out of your head, you gotta pay attention to the things around you." Barry shook his head, speeding up just a bit. He couldn't here this right now, couldn't handle it. The Speedforce hadn't come to see him in what seemed like weeks, maybe months. His mind was playing tricks on him and torturing him.  _Dammit they said this wouldn't be hell... why is he here... why is he trying to tear me apart..._  "Barry, can you hear me?"

The voice sounded so shocked that the speedster paused in his steps. The Speedforce never asked questions like that, because why wouldn't he be able to hear him? He'd heard them all the other times.  **Games, they're just playing games with me **..** **.**  **"I'm not in the mood for games," he muttered quietly.

There was a soft gasp and Barry took a few steps forward. He didn't make it far however as a body stepped in front of him. He froze, his eyes downcast as usual, staring at those scuffed black boots. They stood too close to his own sneaker clad feet, he could feel the heat coming off the man in front of him, hear his breathing so close to his face. He couldn't look up, couldn't do anything but squeeze his eyes shut and pray the man to go away. He raised his hands and scrubbed at his face, wiping away tears that didn't fall. He'd cried all his tears already, ran them out long ago. He had nothing left to give them and he wished they'd stop asking.

"Scarlet, please look at me," the voice said again, soft again. "I've been trying to talk to you for ages, please tell me you can hear me, you can see me."

Gods, that voice burnt through him like whiskey on a wound, surging through his bloodstream and straight to his heart. He barely held back a sob and crashed to his knees, heaving and sucking in breaths as he tried desperately to cry, to do  _something._  His fingers scraped at the ground and in the back of his mind he could hear Snart kneel down in front of him. "What happened, Red? What went wrong?"

"You fucking died!" Barry screamed, his voice cracking and breaking on the edge of his words. He braced himself before looking up into those shocked blue eyes. Blue like an ice covered lake, so many emotions swimming and hiding under crystallized water. "You died, Snart! And it's my fault! You told me so, you... why are you doing this to me? You told me... you told them it wasn't going to be hell but you stand there  _torturing me_! I can't... I can't take seeing them all, seeing him... please, just leave me alone, leave me alone." His chest ached and his nails bled from digging into the gravel around him. But still no tears fell from his eyes.

A hand reached out and Barry tensed, but it stopped a breath away from his shoulder. "Fuck Scarlet, you can't honestly blame yourself for this? I made the decision, I made the choice to do that. I saved Mick, I saved my team."

"Because I told you to be better," Barry argued, dry sobs wrecking through him. "I told you that you could be a hero and so that's what you became." He laughed harshly and shook his head. " _You were a criminal, Snart. You didn't care who got in your way, didn't care what you did, who died in the process. You were broken and dark and I had to go and ruin you."_ Barry shoved himself to his feet, wobbling only slightly before planting his feet and glaring down at the illusion below him. "You survived on your wits and your brain, stealing what you wanted and doing what you pleased. Gods, you _survived_ , until I came along. You were a criminal because it's all you knew, Snart. You fucking lived perfectly fine before I came along like a hurricane and tore apart your life, tore apart a lot of people's lives. I've destroyed so much and because of me, you _died_."

Snart heaved a sigh and stood, not quite looking Barry in the eye, but just past his shoulders. "Barry, you didn't do this to me. You didn't come crashing into my life. I've always made stupid decisions. I've always been an idiot when it comes to my family. I saved Mick, I saved that team, because they became my family. I would do anything for Lisa, you know that. I died for her. I died for Mick. Dammit Scarlet, I died for you."

 

"That doesn't make me feel better!" Barry screamed again, eyes stinging with regret. "I've caused so much pain, Snart, I've killed so many people. My mom, my dad, Eddie, Harrison Wells even died because of me. I've fucked so much with the timeline I don't even know everything I've changed!" He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging harder than he needed but it was just so frustrating. Why were they so hell bent on making him relive all of these deaths, all of the pain that he's caused. "I deserve this, I deserve to be stuck here for as long as you want me to. You can leave me alone, I'm not going to escape. I'm not looking for some secret way out of here, I just... I... Just leave me alone please."

There was a long silence and Barry closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them again Snart would be gone and he'd be left in peace.

But he wasn't.

 

The older man stared at Barry with a blank expression, but he knew those eyes by now. He knew the secrets and the feelings that hid behind them. He could feel the pity and the confusion swimming within that beautiful brain of his.

 

"You don't get it do you, Barry? Shit, I've never seen you back down before, never seen you give up like this. Kid, you've got people waiting for you back in Central. You've got family, you've got friends. You can't blame yourself for what happens to people like me. Hell, great power and responsibility and all that. You've saved hundreds of lives, Barry. You've helped countless numbers of people." Snart rubbed the top of his head and groaned, shoving one hand in his pocket. He had a frantic look in his eyes and it was an expression that Barry wasn't used to seeing. "You don't get to blame yourself for my death, Barry. That's not fair and it's not on you. You don't get to take that away from me. Do you understand that? I did that, I did. I made that decision and I'm standing by it. I died because someone had to and I wasn't going to let that someone be Ray- he has too much to look forward to with that damn brain of his- and I wasn't going to let that someone be Mick. He's sacrificed enough for me that I think I owe him that much. I've always been self-sacrificing with people I care about, Barry Allen. You inspired me to be a better person, sure, but you do NOT get to blame yourself for my death, for me taking care of those I love. That is not something you get to do."

Barry didn't know what to say. The words were frozen in his throat and his fists were clenched at his sides. "I-I don't know what to do, Snart... I'm lost in here."

"You need to fight," he said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, crossing his arms over his chest. "You need to get your shit together and get out of this weird purgatory you've trapped yourself in. You need to remember what you're doing, what you're living and dying for. I know what I died for, Barry, I know what I'm holding on for. Do you?"


End file.
